My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
