i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
