Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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