I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
