I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's official drugs can't kill me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
