I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
