Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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