I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
