Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
