the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
