the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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