Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
