It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
