My friends, they love my intelligence
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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