John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
