I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
