Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
