I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
