I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize