Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
