She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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