Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
