Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
