just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
