I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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