Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
