You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
