I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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