you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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