Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
