I met the friendliest cop last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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