lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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