I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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