People with herpes should wear stickers.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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