I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
