it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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