i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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