Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
