I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
