i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
