theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
