they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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