Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
