You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
