No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
