I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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