if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
