i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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