Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
