Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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