Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
