I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
