I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
