Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
