you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize