Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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