I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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