Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
