Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize