Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
