I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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