I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
