i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize