Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
