I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
