Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
