Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
