someone get that fucking seahorse.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
