there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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