That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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