I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
