I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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