someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
