it was like his penis was on wheels.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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