I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
