She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
