Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
