How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
